Houston Matchmakers | How to Ask "Are We Having Children?"

By Houston Singles Dating Service
Home / Dating Advice / Houston Matchmakers | How to Ask “Are We Having Children?”

Whether you’ve known you wanted to become a mommy since you were a young girl playing with her dolls or you’ve finally found the man you’re meant to be with – the only guy who’s ever made you think about starting a family– bringing up the topic of children can be nerve-wracking and even frightening. After all, how do you know you’re on the same page?

Since your guy hasn’t yet brought up the topic himself, does that mean kids aren’t in his future? Does he not want children, or is he in the same predicament as you, apprehensive about bringing it up because he doesn’t know how you feel? Ah, so many emotions are tied to this topic. So what’s a gal to do? How do you know when to bring it up? And how do you approach this sensitive topic?

As Houston matchmakers with 30 years of experience in the Houston dating industry, we know the importance of long-term compatibility. And to ensure long-term compatibility, you must discuss this all-important topic – no matter how uncomfortable it is for you. When you’re truly in love with someone, you must be able to talk about the serious stuff.

To ease your nerves and get you prepared for the “Are kids in our future?” talk, our dating and relationship experts here at Houston Singles Dating Service reveal five expert tips for discussing this sensitive topic with your guy.

Mature romantic couple

1. Choose the time and place wisely.

Running late to catch your cruise ship, over your morning coffee before an important meeting at work, or right as the Eagles are about to kick off… See a pattern? These are all horrible times and places to bring up this serious topic.

Throwing it out there that you want to have a baby when your guy is running late, stressed out, or preoccupied with something else is only going to backfire on you. Do yourself (and your guy) a favor by choosing the time and place wisely. To avoid an argument, you want to choose a calm and casual time to sit down and have this sensitive conversation.

Whether you’re taking a leisurely stroll at the local park or simply enjoying each other’s company while stargazing in your hammock, choose a time where you’re both calm and relaxed. The key is to ensure you’re not distracted and are able to fully listen and discuss the topic without feeling stressed out.

2. Never give them an ultimatum.

You never want to make this already awkward, tension-filled situation more stressful by throwing an ultimatum into the mix. Avoid saying things like, “If you don’t want to have kids, we’re through.” This is undoubtedly not only going to get things started off on the wrong foot but also cause a fight.

This is the man you want to someday have children with, so it only makes sense to start out saying how you feel. This is time for openness and honesty, not hostility and pressure. Express your feelings and give him a chance to express his.

3. Be ready to compromise and have a realistic plan in mind.

One of the best ways to feel more at ease and confident in your approach to the “Are we starting a family?” talk is simply to know what you want, to be willing to compromise, and to have a realistic game plan in mind.

If you know you want to have kids and aren’t sure how your partner feels just yet, make sure you let him know what you want while asking what he wants. Let him know that his feelings matter and you’re not just trying to pressure him into the idea.

You want to show him that you’re not only willing to compromise but that you have a course of action in mind. Discuss timelines and let it be known that just because you want to have kids doesn’t mean you want it to happen overnight. Talk about reaching your career goals, saving money, and getting everything in order beforehand. Depending on where you’re at in life, talk about a one-year, two-year, or even five-year plan together. This no-pressure, no time constraints approach will surely ease everyone’s nerves.

When you finally find someone with whom you want to share the incredible experience of starting a family with – someone to lay down roots with – it’s not easy to bring the idea to the table, especially when he’s never mentioned it before. To have a successful conversation about starting a family, choose the right time and place, don’t place any added pressure on him with ultimatums, and always be open and willing to compromise. Making the decision to have children should be an incredibly happy and joyous time and one of the biggest milestones in your relationship.

If you’re single and searching for family-oriented single men in Houston, contact our matchmaking service today and let us make the introductions. Let our Houston matchmakers introduce you to marriage-minded men who are compatible with you.

To reserve your FREE (90-minute) matchmaking consultation, simply fill out the confidential form at the top of the page today.

 

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